Dear Myalogists,
I do watch more than Power.
And to prove it, we are gonna start recapping a show we should have recapped loooooong ago, when its creator, ISSA RAE, begged me too. Or maybe I told her excitedly that I was gonna recap her show, like she should give a fuck, and she was like “oh, okay….you, uh, you should,” as she inched away from me nervously.
We girls, tho….call me, when you read this, mama!
I’m not sure how this is gonna go, as the show isnt super plot intensive like the saga on Starz, but its too close to home to not do anything, so week to week, it could be anything! Could be a Win/Loss Tally. Could be 5 questions. Could be 1 long ass question…just lets go on this ride together!
So, for Issa…..
Insecure is back! The show that made so many black girls see themselves or their friends returned to form Sunday night! If you don’t watch, Ill do you a quick solid. Watch this:
Lawrissa
Okay good. So our Awkward Black Girl is still awkward as fuck.She goes on several horrible dates that we have all been on as we wait for our honorable boyfriends to return to us after they found out we had lunch with a male co-worker from seven jobs ago and felt horribly betrayed and cheated on even tho they always sticking their dic—I mean after a bad breakup in which you miss them terribly. Just passing the time, ordering steaks and an extra dessert for lil man man…..But we all know that those dates are poor substitutes. Issa tries desperately to connect with Lawrence, texting him bout his Uno cards, seeing if he wants to come by and grab his old Best Buy badge, and asking if he wants the one sock she found in her panty drawer. But Lawrence is still hurt and STILL FUCKING THAT CHICK THAT LOOKS LIKE EVERY CHICK I HAVE HATED IN LIFE, while wearing out his and his air mattress’s welcome at his boy Chad’s house. He’s not biting anything Issa casts before him and maintains his cool distance…til he cant. As luck would have it, a jury summons arrives for Lawrence and Issa finally has her in! He says he will come by after work the following day. GOT’EM! Upon being told by Molly that men only want you when you have another dick inside you when you are doing well, Issa decides to throw a raging “winedown” where everyone brangs a frand and gets blasted on Rossi. She watches the door all night, hoping that he will appear, but he doesn’t show up because he’s on a date with Ugh….but wait! He does come, after the party and after his date when she and her apartment is looking fuckT (that’s when they love us tho, right ladies?!) She meekly opens the door. He meekly retrieves his things. And then he unmeekly throws:
- her down;
and
- his dick in her.
WOWZA. I felt that one y’all. What I also felt was that quick cum and pull out kiss on the forehead and nervous exit. Take me to heaven and then plunge me to hell! You muthafucka you.
Molly is Only White In Name
Our b-plot brings us our favorite sidekick and Lil Rel Howrey! Our hometeam is doing big things out here! Saving black folks from the Sunken Place, repping his TSA set and now playing a co-worker of Molly’s who I HOPE we will see all season long. Molly accidentally opens a white male co-workers check and sees that he’s making way more than her. Raise your hand if you can relate. Is that every black woman reading this at this very moment whose hands I see? Remind me one day to tell you how a man was hired for a job “somewhere” where he doesn’t know how to execute all of his responsibilities, yet had his superior tell his team member, don’t worry, I’ll do it for him. Yeah. Anyhoo…that was all going on with her. Oh, she took Issa’s suggestion to heart, she is now seeing a therapist who has zero time for her issues.
Lawasha
– doesn’t exist anywhere other than her head. And good because Tasha LOOKS LIKE EVERY CHICK I HAVE HATED IN LIFE. She’s so thirsty. So ready. So loving. So supportive. So ill-equipped to deal with the fire and brimstone that’s bout to rain down on her thirsty assed life. Lawrence spends his weekends blowing her back out, but wont buy her a taco. HOW SAD. Barf. Sitting there with her hounddog sad fucking eyes begging to go out on a Thursday. UGH. She represents EVERYTHING I hate in a woman and if you relate to her, I hate your ass too. It looks like she may win – briefly – since Lawrence’s ass took her out on a date. But I’ll spend every Sunday praying on her downfall.
Doctor’s Notes
- Could anyone else watch a show about Kelly and Issa’s Blood Neighbor?
- That old lady told Issa her ankles were ashy.
- Regina Hall aint just gonna show up on a show inside our show, is she? LOVE HER.
- “Zaddy” is played…let it go.
- First one of you black women to host/invite me to a winedown – DIES.
