Help me.
That’s the name of the episode that reassured us that life is indeed a crystal stair. But, we got dragged across all the tacks, splinters, torn up boards and places with no carpet before we received help in the form of our beautiful new stair case aka the death of a despised character. I’m writing this a full 24 hours after first watching this week’s edition, which is a good and bad thing. Bad because some of the raw emotion I felt and lines of comedic gold have dissipated due to repeated viewings and all the B.A.N.s (think about it) who couldn’t resist spoiling it for those who hadn’t seen it yet. Good because had I written it immediately, it would have read:
OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!
OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!
OH SHIT!
And that doesn’t seem interesting for a reader at all.
1. The Family That Does Blow Together….
….shares gross inappropriate kisses together. BARF. KATE’S BACK Y’ALL. And if ya didn’t know, or remember, Tommy is fucking his mother. No silly, not like Boardwalk Empire’s Jimmy Darmondy, but like Kate and Holly are the same fucking person. Seeing them sit side by side – one the run down, years of hard living version of the other – gave me the shakes. She arrived on the scene and quickly assessed, what we all knew – Holly ain’t (wasn’t – lol) shit. Kate came on in and made herself at home, demanding money, coke and food, all the while opening her son’s nose in the correct way, reminding him that most of his life, only one person has been in his corner…Ghost. Proving that he is the ultimate momma’s boy, he also took a bit of Kate’s advice to heart……when she told him to “get rid” of Holly. I don’t think I’m overstating the case to say this was the BEST use of a rarely seen character ever. She drove this plot MILES forward.
2. Everytime Kanan Laughs a Baby Gets Its Wings
I think this was my first OH SHIT moment of the episode. Kanan done made it back to NYC – geared up, fresh lining, fresh timbs. And his time with Juicebox seems to have softened him – not in the “im not killing people anymore” way, but in the “im gonna think about and plan out killing people before I kill people” type of way. He popped up in Dre’s crib, making it clear that Dre is still his bitch, and will continue to be his bitch and if he doesn’t want to be his bitch or even thinks about not being his bitch, SHIT IF HE DREAMS ABOUT NOT BEING HIS BITCH, his daughter’s ability to fly will be explored. Yep. Lil momma going straight out the window. Kanan already killed his own son for picking Ghost over him, which sent Dre running to Ghost in the first place. At this point, if Dre does not run DIRECTLY to Ghost, he will have surpassed Ghost as the reigning dumbest person on the show. There is NO other out for him.
3. Angelames
When are these people gonna break the hell up already? Court, I thought we talked about boring sad sex last week….and you make us watch that again? OH GAWD. Kill me. No, kill them. This relationship is a shit show. To his credit, Ghost keeps trying to stay with this chick, going so far as to contact Attorney Turtle to draw up separation papers for Tasha as a sign of good faith that he is serious about Angela. (bad idea, table for one!) No sooner than Turtle told Vinny he was back gonna be back out east a little longer helping out a friend from the neighborhood, he saw Federal Witness Ruiz just STROLLING thru the fed joint, with the feds, including Angela. To Angie’s credit, she did tell Jamie before he even got a chance to ask her about it. At which point, she was asked to subjugate herself, her morals and her career yet again, which she does. She goes to Ruiz, starts speakin da Spanglish to him about honor and reminding him of his obligation to Ghost. Ruiz processes this conversation with equal parts “fuck that witch” and “fuck she’s right” and refuses to name Ghost as a member of the network, much to Greg’s chagrin. How this relationship has not buckled under the weight of resentment and obligation, I’m not sure. But, I’m sure it will.
4. How is Ghost Not Dead?
Cuz he’s the star of the show stupid! But forrealz…..the failed attempt on his life was part of the best sequence of scenes I’ve seen on television in quite some time. Ghost is riding in the car with Tariq, when he HEARS someone rear end him. Now, if a rear ending can be heard over loud music and conversation, then Im sure it can be felt, but hey…I just write a blog, not a tv show, so who the hell am I? What I do know, is whoever directed this episode should have written a huge fat check to Tarentino, cuz the framing, pacing, shot selection, effects were all AMAZING. LAWD. This was my second OH SHIT moment of the episode. Ghost jumps out the car, and is met by two Jamaicans, dispatched by Holly, who have the BIGGEST guns I have ever seen in my life, which they hold as props while using their deadliest weapon: THEIR WITHERING STARES. Clearly no one has ever told them that if you “Study long, you study wrong” cuz while they were studying Ghost, his security detail fell thru guns blazing…..slo mo bullets, explosive blood spatter….and telling Ghost to get the fuck outta there while they clear the scene. My body was so TIGHT during this scene, when I finally released it felt as if I had been thru an intense work out. This scene was intercut with scenes of a knock down drag out between Tommy and his chick, which led to…….
5. RIP Holly.
The third thru infinity OH SHIT moments of the episode. Once Tommy sends Kate away, him and Holly get down to the nitty gritty. Julio stops by and shares some info that leads Tommy to assess that it was NOT Lobos behind the attempt on his life, it was the Asians, and Ghost saved him. He wants to run to Ghost immediately, which annoys Holly to no end. Dont matter to her that Lobos didnt try last night, it only matters that Lobos wants them dead and Tommy aint did the one thing that will keep them alive – kill Ghost. She tells him its too late to run to Ghost, cuz aint no Ghost – she has taken a hit out on him, since Tommy wouldnt handle his bidness and the deed is done. Slap, choke, ball kick, push, insult, cunt, bitch, weak ass mofos ensue, with what I believe is the capper, the straw that broke the camels back, the haymaker- delivered by Holly to Tommy: “YOU DONT EXIST WITHOUT GHOST.” It hurts cuz its true….life without Ghost has been one failure, challenge and disappointment after another. And though Tommy was definitely choking Holly, he was also choking every single person that asked “where’s ghost” “what did ghost say” “how is ghost gonna feel about this?” Unfortunately for her, Holly was the only person he could take his anger and frustration out on and take it out he did. We watched him choke every drop of breath from her body and while OH SHIT is all I could sit up and scream repeatedly, my heart was breaking for him at the same time, cuz no matter what we think of her, how much we hated her, how much we resented her for stealing from Tasha, for butting into Ghost/Tommy bidness, for taking a hit out on Ghost, Tommy truly loved her and more importantly SHE truly loved him. I still won’t miss her ass though. Neither will Ghost, who arrives at Tommy’s house, to find Tommy on the floor, next to Holly’s lifeless body. Tommy looks up at Ghost and tearfully implores him with the title of this episode: “Help me.” – which his best friend does.
Myalogy Minutes:
- HE awoke just in time to see Kate and Holly shake hands and exclaims: TOMMY IS FUCKING HIS MOTHER AND BOTH HER AND HOLLY ARE UGLY AS FUCK. #baeisstillsmart
- The song that was playing while Angelames fucked me to boredom is “Indulge” by Cherie Jones…….incase you enjoyed it like me.
- LOBOS IS A GOTDAMN FEWL! I love his scenes.
- In a blink and miss it moment, Angela threw that “my wife” statement right back at Ghost’s ass.
- Greg is every villian in every Scooby Doo episode that would pull off great capers if it wasnt for that meddling Angela. JINKIES!!
- They walked a fed witness thru a crowded building. This is why the feds cant have nice things.
- LOL @ Kate calling Holly “Ms. Bottle Service”
- I like sexy security dude. He needs a scar on his face and an accent tho. Anyone know his name? Hit me in the comments.
- Actually Tariq, it IS “The Twitter”, and when you grow up and become cool, you will realize that.
- Holly’s texts with the Jamaicans all episode? MAXIMUM TENSION.
- Speaking of which, Holly’s hesitation, her thumb over the send button before sending that “do it” text to hitters? ME in EVERY text battle with HIM. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
- Julio is a sexy beast. How’d I ignore that for so long?
- I’m with Kanan – thank God Dre’s daughter didn’t get his nose.
- GHOST AND TOMMY ARE BACK TOGETHER!
EDITORS NOTE: People, the show is available onDemand at midnight. This aint new information. If you have a life and want to wait for the Sunday 8p airing, unlike the rest of us geekballs, cool. Just do us all a favor including yourself and STAY THE FUCK OFF THE INTERNET. No one wants to read your sad cries about spoilers. You sound as dumb and pathetic as I do when Im crying about people posting fake stories. Resistance is futile….save yourself.
Whatchall think?
