September 11, 2017

I (handclap emoticon) FUCKING (handclap emoticon) LOVED(handclap emoticon) THIS (handclap emoticon) EPISODE. It was so surreal.  Like a fever dream.  Like my favorite dream-state episodes of the Sopranos that most people hated.  I was distracted when it first came on, so I missed the whole “30 Days” title card.  I’m watching the shit, like why are we spending SO much time with Lawrence.  Please don’t let this be a Rence-centric episode, Lawd!  But by the 30 Days with Molly, I caught on and fell DEEPLY and INSTANTLY in love with this episode – the direction, the staging, the pacing and OF COURSE the music – the fourth lead on this show.  So we got three Issa Rae delivered topics to stick with, so let’s do it. 30 DAYS WITH LAWRENCE The namesake of the Lawrence-hive seems to be all in to his relationship with Jasmine, I mean Arpana.  Can we pause and collectively acknowledge just how fucking ignit and apparently racist Chad is for calling that brown woman Jasmine.  Got damn don’t change, my dude. Not ever.  So yeah, they are juicing and juicin and running marathons and going on dates and she’s giving him work advice and in true emo form, my dude cannot rest his jealous, insecure, brain.  This is what happens when a woman “ruins” a man and he goes out into the world ill-equipped to deal with his pain.  Listen, I re-watched all of the show this weekend and while I am decidedly NOT #teamlawrence, Issa was wr, wro, wron – YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL IM TRYING TO SAY! Shit wasn’t cool, Iss….not being direct with him, evading him, camping out at Molly’s, breaking up with him (kinda) and then walking out the door, he was well within his rights to have sex with a high functioning down’s syndrome sufferer.  I damn near applauded when I saw Trasha getting chopped down in a way that indicates that she does NOT have a low cervix.  (Editor’s note: low cervix = painful backshots, google it, it’s true) So this wounded animal was set free to visit the scars Issa gave him upon other women – the latest being Jasmine, I mean Arpana.  He becomes visibly uncomfortable when she mentions she slept with one of their co-workers, a fact he stupidly mentions to his boys who give him (SHOCK) bad advice.  How Tiffany’s light skinned man got rid of anyone is beyond me, but Office Fred is no longer a problem for Derek.  So he soldiers on, uncomfortably at work, while Arpana laughs in the corner with her Office Fred and tries to convince himself that she is NOT Issa. Unfortunately his past got the best of him and when Arpana giggles innocently at a text from her sister, his insecurities lead him to believe it’s her office boo. They have a row on the way to the movies that culminates when Issa calls and Arpana does what women have inexplicably been doing since time immemorial – she exits the car and presumably his life.  Lawrence must have checked his voicemail because at the end of his 30 days, we see him entering his old apartment at The Dunes. 30 DAYS WITH MOLLY I need all the seats all my Myalogists can find for us all to have a group seat in awe of Yvonne Orji’s beauty last night.  2017 Toni Childs in this bitch.  Just GORGEOUS.  If you don’t agree, that’s fine, you have shit for brains.  🙂  Molly’s life at this point is all about choices and opportunities. This entire season has focused on her professional life – after finding out a white man at work makes more than her; and her personal life after finding out AlejanDRO is in an open marriage. On the professional side she is taking meetings with other law firms to use as leverage against her current employers.  She has a great meeting with Claire Huxtable and black firm that seems like a utopia, but I’m sure we can all attest to how it is working with our cousins and how sometimes we don’t want to get baptized by Therese.  Later she attends a meeting with the partners at her firm who, as I stated last week, see her as an asset with no value, which they put on full display.  Knowing she is dissatisfied, the Three White Men of the Apocalypse offer a her a “Rising Star Award” which is a MS Word Certificate, resplendent with a gold star, and a picture of her on the firm’s website homepage.  She, like I, was non plussed.  I’m thinking next season, Molly is gonna be going to be attending church with Therese and sharing her potato salad recipe with Rashida, whom she will be instructed to call Dah-Dah.  On the personal side of things, Molly gave us our first ever Lil Rel love scene.  She and Quentin started spending a lot of time together when they were in each other’s respective cities and although she initially friend-zoned him over dinner, the next time they were together, she gave in to the more decent aspects of herself….and told her galpals that she was just gonna go with the flow with Quentin.  Later, we watch her fine black ass get all linger-ree’d up in her finest La Perla, only to open the door and see Dro on the other side of the door.  QUEUE YOUR FAVORITE LINE FROM GHOST. 30 DAYS WITH ISSA Our girls are outchere! Kelli is taking control of her weight and health, Tiffany has a gut full of human, Molly is taking meetings and making moves….and Issa? Well Ms. Issa is moving out and on.   We find out that phone call she made to Lawrence while he was mid fight with Arpana was her inviting him to the crib to pick up some old stuff and the couch they bought together. She assures him that she won’t be there when/if he comes, but when she arrives for her final walk thru,